Chaos Evolution..... 03/13/07

Over the course of the past few months I have been feeling that things were and are not the way they were supposed to be. After further introspection into this I have come to the conclusion that I was not going the way I am supposed to go. I have felt that I have become stagnat and that my inner peace has been thrown into the chaos that usually surrounds me without having any effect on my spirit. I have usually felt that I am within the eye of the storm, that place being total peace and calm. Therefore, I am taking myself down a different path beginning immediately. People have wondered why I have not been around as much and when I am, I usually have been more or less not really responsive to my "friends." Most of you who I have been hanging with know your importance in my life and those who I cannot hang around with I do stay in contact with. The rest of you well, you either aren't around to stay in contact with or, well you can read into it whatever you will. I have become more involved with my own re-creation. Eating properly and getting back into a regular workout routine is a part of my life. Another part is forcing myself back into nurturing my creative side. It is the only way I can actually see myself getting back into my natural flow of creativity. School begins once again this summer so I can complete my degree and continue onto Cal Poly. After paying off a few bills certain financial investments will start being made. More trips outside of the city will be taken as well as more activities will be taken outside of the box in order to ensure that  I do not fall into the mediocrity of a life less lived. Taking care of my mind body and spirit have become my main priority. Selfish, perhaps. Do I care, not really, somehow I lost sight of what was truly important. My family my friends and most of all, myself are the only things that matter, everything else be damned. ChaosInFlux has always fit who I am. Any of you who really know anything about me know this. I have been and will continue to embody the spirit of such. I am just to evolve into a better version of this.

Man vs Nature.... 04/02/07

Over the years of my life there is one important thing I have learned throughout all of my experiences the only thing that cannot be controlled in this world is nature itself. Throughout most of the past six to eight years I have participated in extracurricular activities, hobbies, addictions that have put me up against these forces that cannot be contained or controlled. Call it facing your fears or whatever else you wish to, it has taught me one thing. You have to respect nature or it has the very real possibility of killing you. Just because I respect nature in all of its power does not mean I let it intimidate me. If I did, I would not do half the things I do. Skydiving, surfing, climbing, body boarding. I take great enjoyment out of these things. I find it funny however that certain boneheads "one in particular" think that they can intimidate me... Not that this person will ever read this, it's just me venting as usual, but hello stupid, if jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet, or body boarding on 15 foot waves after the Baja storms hit, or hanging off of some big rock doesn't intimidate me, how do you think that your dumb ass will? "LOL, I forgot, thinking isn't your strong suit." Threatening me, my best friend and his family, and my family will only end up in doing one thing, that is turn out badly for you. I guess this whole deal just got me thinking about what one should be concerned about vs. what one should just deal with and write off like a bad check. Guess this person just didn't learn where their mouth left off and where the law picked up.... 

State of...... 04/23/07

State of the nation address? Fuck that, more to the point, state of my mentality address at the moment. We all know that the country is currently being led by a village idiot and his lackeys, unfortunately that is something we cannot change at the moment other than the action of impeachment, but we all know that isn't going to happen. Either way that isn't what I have come to yap about today. Today we will be talking about the way things have been going down around every single one of us, yet some of the world's population have been too fucking lazy to do the things that have been necessary for advancement. At one point in everyones life, we have all seen it, or have been guilty of doing it. To this I say "with a little blending of Dr. Dennis Leary and Nike" if it needs to be done, just shut the fuck up and do it. The world will be a happier place and you will be a better person if you just follow this advice. No one wants to hear people procrastinate about shit. No one wants to hear the incessant talk of somone's dreams and intentions without any gameplan of accomplishing making those dreams into a reality. Either shit, or get off the pot.... Let's fuck, or go fuck yourself if all you want to do is talk about it, and for those of you who subscribe to that little green muppet known as the Tao of Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try...." The road to hell is paved with good intentions folks, lets make sure that the majority of us don't travel down that path. If you do intend on traveling that path, may I suggest you quickly get a hobby, get laid, get some rope. And another thing it seems no matter what I do with myspace I still get people who waste my time as well as the oxygen of others at the top of the food chain by friend requesting me when it kind of is in your face and to the point that there is a ninety nine point eight percent chance I will not add you if you request an add. Not to say that I am anti social, but for fuck's sake if, you don't know me, or my personality, or even have anything in common with me as far as common interests are concerned why the hell would you want to add me to your friends list? Is it so you can be at the top of the Myspace totem pole with ten thousand friends?  Get the fuck over yourself and it, you will never talk to those people so they are not your friends. I put my profile on private so those of you who I do have something in common with and those of you I do keep in contact with can continue to read and "and hopefully enjoy" some of my blog rage. Problem fixed? Fuck no, I still am getting friend requests from people who can't tell anything about me. For them I have this wish, go out breathe some fresh air, enjoy the three dimensional people for once in your fucking lives, if you can't manage to do that, unplug your fucking grapes from your electronic leash. If you can't do that seek professional help. Lastly if you choose not to follow any of this advice, follow step three of "get a hobby, get laid, or get some rope"  So till next rant.
Ciao paisan's

If Always.... 06/15/07

If always I look across from me and am able to stare into your eyes and see your smiling face.
If always I am able to hold your hand and walk through our life together.
If always I am able to fall asleep with you in my arms, our bodies wrapped together tightly.
If always I am able to kiss your lips and feel your body against mine.
If always I am able to make love to you all night long.
If always I am able to wake up with you in the mornings and see your sleeping soundly next to me.
If always I am able to love you for the rest of our lives and make you happy.
I will be happy, complete.
For the love of my life.

Some Fucking People...... 08/07/07

It has come to my attention once again that some person/people aren't exactly what they claim to be, and most of you knowing the person that I am don't let just anyone get close to me in any fashion. I don't deem just anyone worthy of my time and I tend to value those people whom I let get next to me and share my time. It sucks when those type of people take that for granted. I was talking to another friend of mine and was tellin her that I hate posting lyrics but fuckin Mike Ness tells it like it is. So to those people out there who may not know exactly who they are yet or what they have or have not done, this one's for you ya filthy animals.
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
You ain't right, you ain't never gonna be
You're out of the car, I'm afraid you've been declined.
You shake my hand, while you're pissing on my leg
I'm cutting you loose, I don't need this misery
Your soul is toxic, you ain't no friend of mine. NO!!!

You talk real trash, when I'm not around
To build yourself up, you gotta tear me down.
You'll have to excuse me, I got better things to do
You smile through your teeth, you talk out you're neck
Every chance you get, you're going to stab my back
Your time's run out, I've got nothing left for you.

[Chorus:]
I'm leaving you far behind
I'm leaving you far behind
Stop wasting all, all my time
I'm leaving you far behind, Yeah!!!

So I'm pulling out the weeds, I'm taking stock
You can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk
Your narcissistic ways have gotten the best of you
So I'm leaving you to sink in all your glory
For you and me it's the end of the story
Get out of my way, I've got better things to do.

[Chorus x3]

With friends like you, who needs enemies?
You ain't right, you ain't never going to be
Your soul is toxic, you ain't no friend of mine.

Time Standing Still..... 09/11/07

As I drove home today listening to Trent Reznor do an acoustic version of Hurt on the radio I came to a stop at a light and happened to glance over at something that probably caught everyones attention today. A flag in one of the shopping centers I usually pass by was as it should be, at half staff. What did surprise me though was at that moment in time all the feelings that I felt on 9-11-2001 came rushing back just for a moment. The feeling of total helplessness, the sadness at the needless waste of lives. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, I wiped my face trying to push the thoughts aside although at the same time knowing they were feelings I should just sit with. As I looked out my driver side window taking everything in, I caught the driver next to me looking over, she nodded as if to say she understood.

The Blame Game.... 06/10/08

There comes a point in every individuals existence that they have to look at themselves and realize that all of the problems that they have or that happen around them can be fixed easily, the first step in this though seems to escape the grasp of some who continue to have the same problems over and over again. It boils down to blame and placing such a thing where it belongs. People, be they individuals or groups like taking the easy way out and try finding a way of blaming others for the problems that exist in their lives or around them. I find it ironic that people love blaming situations ranging from breakups to the state of the world on everything ranging from a change in the way the wind is blowing to, I am right and you are wrong, without any proof. I recently went through a breakup with my ex blaming someone that she should not have for our breakup. Simply stated, there were trust issues that she could not come to grips with and I told her how she could fix things, to this day she continues to blame everything on this person and not on the fact that she chose not to fix the trust issues that she had. I guess it was easier to blame someone else than blame herself on the reasons for our breakup. Onto domestic issues, the Catholic church which I used to attend has a problem with one Austrailian bishop promoting a book tour out in the US, to be specific Roger Mahony and five bishops wanted him to cancel it because it has to do with the sex scandal. I think it might be a little too late for the church to say "You can't promote this book because it will make the church look bad." The reason why the church looks bad in the first place is for the reason that the chuch including the esteemed Roger Mahony tried covering up the scandal in the first place. Good job you fucking knuckleheads in continuing to give the catholic church a good rim job without a reach around. Onto foreign matters, we choose to blame the Arab nation on the state of the war and continue to tell the American people "We will win the war on terrorism." Last time I checked, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, Afganistan, and Osama Bin Laden did. For some reason we are still in Iraq despite this fact. Also last I checked, we haven't found Osama despite the fact that we have one of the "best and brightest intelligence communities." I have been in plenty of fights to know that there is one way of winning. One, you walk in and destroy your opponent as quickly as possible and leave. Two if the fight does not involve you, you let each party beat eachother senseless until either they learn from their mistakes, or kill eachother off. If people are ignorant enough to believe the rhetoric that we will win the war on terrorism, the furthest they need to look is the British and the IRA. The UK did not win the war against the IRA after generations of war and strife, the IRA stopped fighting and gave up on their own after finally figuring out that there was no point. Good people died in the UK for no purpose there as they do in Iraq. Solution, leave the country and let them kill eachother off until the point that they get tired of fighting. Quit lying to the American community and getting our people killed for no reason, I support our troops with every ounce of my being, I do not however support the people in charge. We blame the Saudi's for the price of oil and the crisis our country is in because of gas prices now, yet we really do nothing to make it inconvienient for the oil companies to continue to gouge us. We can impose sanctions against OPEC, we can hold the oil companies and the buyers responsible for the prices. For some reason we as the American public continue to suffer at the pumps, yet the oil companies and the heads of such continue to get richer off of our suffering. Then again we can also blame the heads of certain cities for not being proactive and installing a decent public transportation system like other US cities have, NY, Seattle, SF anyone???? For some reason people seem to get around very easily in these cities without the use of a car. We can also blame ourselves for wanting bigger and badder, Hummer, SUV, and other gas hogs have finally begun to feel the pinch yet some people are still dumb enough to buy into the bigger is better fad. I find it ironic that people continue to think that we can fix everything, yet we continue to focus on external issues and situations. Simple fact of life kids, you can't fix external problems without fixing the internal problems first. Try as you might, but you will find the probability of failure is high. Until you fix the problems within yourself and at home, and continue to place the blame on where it belongs instead of trying to place it in and on other people and things, you will never grow.
To this I leave you with something to ponder. "When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11.
Try and swallow that piece of honesty kids.

My Love/Hate Relationship with LA. 5/26/09

Some of the few reasons why I still love LA are for what it is.
It is my friends, as well as a select few members of my family who I still love and get along with. It is for the clubs I used to hang out at and get my industrial fix at and meet up with my friends of the same mindset. It is for Old Man's in Oceanside, and 17th Street in Newport where I used to surf frequently three days after the Baja storms would arrive. It is for Mt. Baldy and the hikes I used to take and the Zen Center I used to travel to. It is Venice Beach where I used to walk on the boardwalk and take in the scene. It was for my Aikido studio I used to feel at home at. It is for the coffee roaster I used to manage and called my home away from home.

Now for all of the reasons why I hate LA for what it isn't. It isn't the end all be all of coolness. It isn't peaceful, it isn't non pretentious, it isn't a cheap, or a great place to live, it doesn't have everything anyone could ever want, you can't just hop down to the beach and watch the water sausages wallow on the rocks, or get their next meal in the tidepools, or the wild elk you can sit and watch on the side of the road, it isn't nature at its greatest, it isn't a place you can commune with nature, either by communing with it, or taking it by its throat and trying to conquor whatever it may throw at you, it isn't tax free, it isn't green wherever you look, you can't walk across the beach to the forest, it does not have a laid back beatnik vibe or lifestyle, it does not promote a healthy state of being, neither mentally, physically, or emotionally. It isn't where my love lives. It is not a place where my heart or soul belong to. I used to call it my home, a city which I said I would never leave. I don't feel comfortable calling it home anymore since it has become a place where I just reside. My love for this city has been replaced for love of something more substantial.

Ahhhh Feck.... As promised, my first of blogs from the past.

So I meant to post this in my blogs but in my caffine induced overload I added it to the bulletins instead. Someone once asked me what happened to my hunger for life, and yes I know I am being about a weak ass bitch not posting some of my own stuff but considering I get fired up over this song I had to post it...
And yes, I am fucking back kids, all fired up and good to go...;)

Another mission
The powers have called me away
Another time
To carry the colors again
My motivation
An oath I've sworn to defend
To win the honor
Of coming back home again
No explanation
Will matter after we begin
Another dark destroyer that's buried within
My true vocation
And know my unfortunate friend
You will discover
A war you're unable to win

I'll have you know
That I've become...

Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side
A terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you're alive
I'm an indestructible master of war

Another reason
Another cause for me to fight
Another fuse uncovered
Now, for me to light
My dedication
To all that I've sworn to protect
I carry out my orders
With not a regret
A declaration
Embedded deep under my skin
A permanent reminder
Of how we began
No hesitation
When I am commanding the strike
You need to know
That you're in for the fight of your life

You will be shown
How I've become....

Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side
A terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you're alive
I'm an indestructible master of war

I'm...

Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side
A terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you're alive
I am indestructible (..indestructible)

Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side
A terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you're alive
I'm an indestructible master of war

Viewing the death of Myspace from afar....

As was to be expected, the death of Myspace is coming and even a kick in the head from major media outlets hasn't clued in some people who still swear by it. It is hard to believe that even though for the past year or so the decline of the former glory that was Myspace hasn't been recognized by the clueless and they haven't moved on to the next thing being Facebook. The only gripe I have with Facebook is that it does not allow for extended blogging which is why this account was created. Sooner or later some of my former blogs will be pulled off of Myspace for posterity before the account itself is pulled from the site. Face it kids, Myspace is DOA, so get over it, if and for those naive enough to think they are going to save it, get over yourselves....